Cao was able to understand the true meaning of the teachings through repeatedly attending the “Dharma as Water” practice sessions. (Photo by Li Ming Hui)
The good and bad times in our lives are unpredictable, just like the ocean. The “Water Repentance Text” taught Cao Su Hua to appreciate that “only by accepting willingly, can we truly repent and dissolve the bad karma.”
Originally from Taiwan, Cao got married and moved to Singapore, giving birth to her first child in 1990. Less than eight months into the pregnancy, the baby girl was born prematurely and died within five days. In the years that followed, Cao Su Hua had another daughter and son, and did not think too much about her first child.
With the Heart Unwilling, the Flesh is Weak
When the fourth child, Wan Ting was born in 1997, her peaceful life took a sudden turn. Thirty-four weeks into her pregnancy, Cao did a routine checkup in KK Women’s and Children’s hospital and was informed that emergency surgery was required as the fetus was in danger. The day after the surgery, her husband informed her that the child’s lungs and kidneys were not functioning well, and she could not urinate normally. Due to lack of amniotic fluid in her womb, not only was the body and limbs of her child compressed and deformed, but the lungs were also depressed. Doctors warned that the baby’s condition was critical with only a five percent chance of survival.
“Dear God! Why? This child has the same medical condition as the first one!” Cao collapsed on the ground instantly. She kept kneeling and praying to Bodhisattva to let her child live. As long as her daughter is healthy and survives, she vowed to stay vegetarian.
Perhaps due to the sincerity of her parents’ prayers, five days later, little Wan Ting was miraculously able to breathe on her own and discharge urine! With the blessing of everyone, Wan Ting survived.
Since Wan Ting was born weak, Cao required greater energy and patience to raise her. A Chinese Physician herself, she worked at the clinic in the day and looked after the child at night. Just a week old, the baby would vomit frequently on the bed during the midnight feed. It would be dawn by the time she cleaned up the vomit and changed the bed sheets. Her husband would be sound asleep and offered no help.
Mentally and physically drained, Cao bore a grudge against her husband and daughter. If he had not requested for another child, would not this situation have been avoided? With no avenue to vent her emotions, she scolded the child and blamed her fate.
At age 13, on August 2010, Wan Ting faced a life and death situation. Her kidney function was weak and her body swelled. It was a critical condition and she stayed in the Intensive Care Unit for a period of time. To maintain her health after she was discharged, Wan Ting had to rely on dialysis.
The family was not as well to do since her husband had retired. The burden of Wan Ting’s enormous hospital, medical and follow-up treatment expenses fell squarely on Cao’s shoulders. Unwillingness, coupled with stress, caused many disputes between Cao and her husband.
Wan Ting, who was born with malfunctioning kidneys and lungs, was the reason Cao Su Hua decided to become a vegetarian. (Photo provided by Cao Su Hua)
A copy of the “Water Repentance Text” started the fate between Cao and the “Water Repentance” practice. By taking part in Tzu Chi’s “Dharma as Water” study sessions, she understood the need to accept her negative karma willingly. (Photo by Li Ming Hui)
Living Out This Life Rightly
In the midst of her resignation, physical and psychological suffering, Cao was invited by friends to participate in the “Liberation Rite of Water and Land,” a Buddhist prayer assembly, hoping to ward off bad karma through the practice of giving and making offerings to all Buddhas and beings of the ten directions.
An unhappy Cao had lamented at that point, “Why is my life so hard?” A Buddhist Master then advised her that the fate with her daughter was already forged in her previous life. Someone gifted her with a “Water Repentance Text” and tears began streaming down her eyes after she started reading it.
She was able to understand vaguely. While she was not sure when the fate was forged, she was clear that retribution deserved would eventually be received, and only by accepting her fate willingly could she resolve the karma.
Under the guidance of Tzu Chi volunteer Lin Chun Hui, Cao began attending the “Dharma as Water” study sessions. During one of the sessions, she had a sudden realization. A video clip was played in which Master Cheng Yen said, “We must be willingly accepting of our bad karma.”
Cao had not understood the true meaning of the sutra despite reciting it so many times! It was a wake-up call and she knew that her current life story was already scripted by herself in a previous life. How can we not repent our wrongdoings and be unhappy with our bad karma?
Participating in the sutra adaptation, she had to practice and repeat the lyrics of the sutra adaptation continuously, as a result, teachings from the sutra became deeply etched in her heart. “Samadhi water can purify the sins of all living beings.” Everything stems from the heart; if the heart is well guarded, our surroundings will have little impact. Cao stopped feeling resentful towards her family and accepted her husband and children wholeheartedly. With a change of mindset, she stopped venting her frustrations on her children and the bond between parent and child gradually improved. Together with her, the children participated in various Tzu Chi activities and helped to categorize the recyclable materials collected.
To some, Wan Ting is a retribution and to others, a Bodhisattva. Washing away the layers of defilements in her heart, Cao understood what the Master meant by “everyone is a Buddha if we look at others through the eyes of a Buddha.” With a change of attitude and willingness to accept, her daughter is an incarnation of Bodhisattva; else with an ‘obstructed’ mind, she would never escape the sea of karmic suffering.
Remembering her eldest daughter who had died, Cao realized, “She had come to remind me at that point; why should I wait for more karmic retribution?” In this life, Cao has a sickly daughter who has inspired her to engage in spiritual practice through suffering, and it is with determination that she intends to live out her life on the right footing.
During the Singapore Tzu Chi 20th anniversary ceremony, Cao (front right), together with other volunteers, helped out in the kitchen. (Photo by Tan Cheng Hwa)
Letting go of her grudge, Cao now participates in Tzu Chi activities and serves monthly at the Tzu Chi Red Hill clinic. (Photo by Tan Cheng Hwa)
Share 
